This letterwriting project is teaching me a lot of lessons. Perhaps, in some cases, they were things I knew subconsciously, but through the act of writing, now I KNOW them more than ever.
1. Life is about relationships, not things.
I admit this is not the most original revelation. However, I've found that it's one thing to say relationships matter, and another to have the profound experience of recognizing just how much they matter. Amidst many a letter I've realized, looking back at a certain period in my life, that I don't necessarily remember (or at least care, anyway) what kind of car I drove or how much money I made. But I do remember events, and conversations, and the people within them. And it's instructive for me to note that if it was true then, it's definitely true now.
2. Enjoy what you have instead of always wanting more.
It might seem like I'm referring to the aforementioned car or salary, but this lesson has actually come from a close, sometimes cringe-inducing, look at some of my relationships with men. A theme has emerged: at certain times in my life I've spent a lot of time wanting more from someone, rather than appreciating the relationship for what it was. I've written a few letters to people--shall we call them flirtations, flings?--with whom I was always pushing for more and more. And now I know, sadly, that while I was busy pushing (and angsting, and crying), I was probably missing a lot of fun. Though I'm now happily married and no longer in a position to enjoy or not enjoy casual relationships, the lesson of appreciating the bird in the hand still rings true for other parts of my life (including vehicles and salaries).
In writing letters to former teachers, bosses, pastors and even former therapists, there's always low-hanging fruit when it comes to relating what I learned from them. It's when I stop and really think on a relationship, though, that I start to notice the subtle ways I still feel that person's influence, regardless of whether it's been weeks or years since I last saw them. To realize how the people I've known have infused my thoughts about the environment, or the value I place on self-respect, or my spiritual beliefs is a powerful thing. So too is the recognition that I may be--in ways I don't even realize--having an impact on others as well.
